Lesson Learned

I started this blog four times. Each time being a different subject. All of them having to do with things that happen or have happened in my life that make me mad or upset. I wanted to vent and write about these using the emotions I have at this very moment. But maybe that's not such a good idea. 

I have always said it takes me getting mad to get over something. I usually stay upset/hurt for a while, but after I get mad, I get over it. Its the easiest way to push some bad thing out of my mind. I think I do this because I tend to give people more chances than they should have. I give them benefit of the doubt that they never deserve. So when it all comes crashing down (as I suspected it would) its easier for me to be mad at them than myself. For years I kept journals...writing in them almost everyday. When I went back at the beginning of last summer and read them, I noticed this pattern. Eventually, after being mad, I learned to move on...thinking I was okay. I was stronger. Apparently I am still in this cycle. Its funny how one little piece of information can prove this. 

But maybe I actually am okay.

As I said, I wanted nothing more than to vent in this blog. But on my third time re-starting this I thought back on what I was so mad about...what hurt me so much. After about a minute of my heart beating so hard I thought it would come out of my chest...all the good came to me. All of the little things that made me smile. I don't regret. I learned.

Without the experiences from our past we cannot be the people we are today. Today I am happy. And I owe that happiness to all of the things I have experienced....good/bad or both. So I have to say Thank You. Thank You for pushing me back into the right place. Thank You for proving to me that I was on the right path to begin with.

I get that this is totally an ambivalent and ambiguous blog, but where would the fun be in telling you exactly what I am talking about? Besides, while these events may have had an impact on my life, they really aren't worth the time or effort it would take to expand on.

Ill leave you with a quote from the beautiful Marilyn Monroe:

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."